By not focusing fully on the other person, but also a bit on yourself, you can care better for yourself while being in contact with others, and at the same time act give the other what he needs.



When you are focused with all your attention on the person, it’s hard to see your own needs. Like when you are watching a horror movie or a very sentimental movie and you lose yourself completely in the movie. If you don’t feel where you are and what you need, it can be emotionally too heavy to deal with, or you can react too impulsive.



  • Sit relaxed and go with your attention to somebody in the room or on the TV or computer
  • After having focused all your attention on this person, you now change the focus of your attention fully to yourself. You can watch your breath or focus on another part of your body. Usually there will be a part of your body that will present itself. This will be the anchor of your attention.
  • When you have connected with your anchor, you go back with your attention to the other, but now you also keep some of your attention to yourself and your anchor.
  • Play for a while with this, and go more to the other or more to yourself. Learn how you can get grip on this balance.
  • After having practiced for a while, try to end with around 75% of the attention to the other and 25% to yourself.

Application in daily life

You can practice this in discussions with a colleague or at team meetings by, while listening to the others, also being aware of how you feel and what you need.

When this works, you can start using this technique when you are interacting with the people you serve.


When you are in an interaction with somebody, and you notice that you are not in contact with yourself anymore, be aware of it and try to connect again with your anchor point. If you notice that you are not listening to the other anymore but only occupied by your own thoughts or feelings, you go back with your attention to the other.